Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Diving in...

As I sit watching my two dogs, my husband, and my 20-month old little boy play in the yard, I feel grateful.  I love them all with an intensity that I'm not sure I can accurately describe.  Before I had Tommy, I heard a quote that went something like this, "When you have a child, you're heart lives out side your body forever after."  Well, it went something like that... I'm paraphrasing because if I knew how true that statement would be, I would have printed it out word for word and framed it.  I feel that sentiment everyday. 

Here's the thing, as I sit and watch my crew, I also have feelings that are, well... less Hallmark.

The things that also run through my head are, "Who am I?" and "How did I get here?"  See, it's not that "here" is bad, it's just feels a little off to the left (or right) of where I want to be.  Since I was a small child, I've been an artist.  Not a visual one - just look in my childhood box of drawings and clay sculptures - I was clearly never a budding Van Gogh or Michaelangelo.  Of course, my mom, god love her, would have told you differently.  I was always writing, acting, dancing and, much to my best friend's dismay, directing.  So, when I look at all the roles I play on a day to day basis, they include:  Mom, wife, dog mom, business owner, daughter, sister, aunt, but very rarely artist.  

Now, I'm absolutely clear that I'm not alone in this feeling.  In fact, people around the world, have been feeling this need for a slight life chiropractic adjustment.  I mean, few of us are actually doing what we've always wanted to, but why?  My dad would probably say, "Because, that's life."  He's partly right, but don't tell him!  What I know is that my sanity is better when I'm creating.  My husband agrees and he has a vested interest in my sanity.  I know that in order to fulfill this need, I have to just--- do.  

This is why I'm here jumping into the blogging abyss.  Everything I have done thus far has landed me in this place has had it's purpose and created happiness for me. But now, I'm ready to spend a little of each week doing things that merge where I am now and who I always wanted to be.  I want to add artist back into my list of roles.  

I figure, why not tell you all about it as it happens and create a little accountability along the way.  Want to join me?  What part of your dreams have you left in the dark for responsibility and grown-up-itis?

1 comment: