Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Murder at 3514

One of my son's favorite stories is titled, "A Fly Went By".  It's cute and involves a various amounts of animals as well.  But, I have recently decided that flies are not funny, cute, or in any way, shape or form something a children's story or nursery rhyme should be written about.  Flies have been more accurately depicted in the movie "The Fly" with Jeff Goldblum.  Now that's the reality of a fly.  They're gross.

To be honest, I feel the same way about rats.  I'm a huge Disney fan and will go see almost anything they put to film, but when I went to see "Ratatouille", I left the theater disappointed and realizing the truth --- Rats, especially in the hundreds, don't warm my heart, even when Disney has gotten a hold of them and makes them as human as possible.  Once you've seen a rat run across an alley, scurry out of the way in a restaurant, or leave rat droppings behind in your apartment hallway, their humor ceases. 
I say this for ants as well. Though clever, the movie "Antz" left me itching.  Ants moving as a group, animated or otherwise, are just creepy.  By the way, mice get a pass... don't know why, but those guys in "An American Tale" & "Stuart Little are just down right charming.  I think Mickey Mouse really paved the way for the mouse.  

Okay, sorry, I digress.  The fly.  Not funny.  Not cute.  My feelings about this recently increased 10-fold.

You see, the days following a recent party at my house, we have been overrun with flies in the windows.  The buzzing alone is enough to make a woman lose her mind, but when I opened the blinds to find 15... that's right... FIFTEEN flies attached to my window, I actually lost time.  I became a crazy murderer armed with a section of the newspaper.  I had an out of body experience as I watched myself maniacally slam the window over and over screaming, "Die, you bastards!  Die!"

I'm a peaceful person.  Really, I am.  I like my husband to send spiders, moths and other things not welcome in my home, out the door to let their life unfold as it should naturally.  We have a rabbit problem where they are eating our grass and garden like we were holding a dinner party for them, and still, I won't let my husband use anything toxic to deter them.

So, you can imagine my distress when, once out of my hysteria and back safely in my own consciousness, I saw the remnants of my massacre lying on the floor below the dining room windows.

There were bodies everywhere.
I know how many there were because I counted as I picked them up with a paper towel, and I'm almost sure I heard little tiny bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace" in the background.
I half expected Horatio from CSI Miami to come in with his high tech equipment eying me as a primary suspect above his sunglasses.

I cleaned them up worrying that Karma would come to haunt me sooner than I would like.

Twenty minutes passed, and I had begun to recover from my temporary insanity, which I had decided to plea if Horatio actually did appear.  Then, suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I heard a buzzing against the window.

They were back.  There were four of them!  I put my husband on execution duty after that.  They continued to reappear for the next three days as if out of nowhere.  I was worried that Karma really was a bitch, so I Googled "Reappearing Flies".  The answer I got was something to the extent of something dead in the wall that had grown maggots which turned into flies --- followed by "the good news" of once they had eaten the dead thing completely, the flies would disappear with nothing to feed on.

Wow.  I feel so much better.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Cole! Quite a thoughtful dissertation on nasty insects and mammals - all of which make my skin crawl as I eat my lunch! I wonder whether Disney might follow suit this year with a charming film about Bed Bugs... If they do, let's put together a petition calling for a boycott!!! -- Bob